The Ballad of Connie and Clive – a Social Media Romance

Post by Ray 4 years ago - social media marketing - 6 Comments

(This post is an indulgent bit of fun. I had an idea that made me giggle so I went with it. Hope you enjoy.  Disclaimer: Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. No consultants or small business owners were harmed in the process of writing this post.)

Social Media Melodrama NewRayCom
Photo from

This is the story of Connie, a Social Media Consultant and Clive, a Small Business client, who meet, interact and engage on their quest for ROI.

Clive makes the first move.


He needed someone to help him get his marketing house in order.

He reluctantly admitted he had to get on social media but it made him uncomfortable. He had intimacy issues and didn’t go for all that touchy feely stuff.

So he called a friend who had a friend who knew someone that worked in social media.

He was skeptical.

He managed his company ok so far. It wasn’t like he wasn’t with the times, he forked over ten grand for a website only seven years ago.

But more and more people were bugging him to go “social” – whatever hell that meant.

Even his daughter told him he had to go “digital”.

(Clive didn’t like the word “digital”. Something about doctors and cold gel.)

He knew he had to make the jump.

He put out a call.

Connie answered.


The seduction begins.


Armed with the latest social media posts from Mashable and her Zappos case study, she met Clive – in person, face to face.

Clive had no clue what Connie was going on about, strategy this and authenticity that.

But soon he found himself drawn in by her passion and all those buzzwords had a mesmerizing effect.


Her face glowed from the light of her iPad screen, her angular features softened by it’s blue light.

Clive nodded in agreement to everything she said.

They scheduled a meeting for the following day to tie up details and sign the contract. 

Mary Tyler Moore Throws Hat in Air


Connie practically danced her way to Clive’s office the next morning.

With a Starbucks coffee in hand, she tosses her hat into the air, ready to start her day off with a smile.


When she entered, she noticed that Clive seemed distant, preoccupied.

Was he getting cold feet? Was there another consultant?

Had her Klout score dropped?


She was sure she had hit all the right notes.

She even pulled out social media quotes from the three B’s: Brogan, Bullas and Baer.

Oh, my.

Is it possible that he wasn’t going to convert?


Then she got an idea. An awful idea. Connie got a wonderful awful idea!


She would show up at the door with the Baby Huey of all social media platforms, Facebook.

Baby Huey Facebook

It’s cute, friendly and humongous.

Facebook would seal the deal.


Clive was impressed.

A billion fans couldn’t be wrong. They put their commitment to pen.

Promises were thrown about like confetti and they went on a digital honeymoon of polka dots, moonbeams…and unicorns.


Like the sands in an hourglass, so were the days of their lives.


Connie had warned Clive that she was a long term relationship kind of girl.

If he wanted to see results, he had to be patient.

She spent longs days ironing out strategies and checking the latest insights.

“One like, two likes, three likes…”

The honeymoon is over


Meanwhile, Clive was busy doing the “real” work of running his business and putting food on the table.

Eager to contribute, Connie gathered her thousands of “likes” and made her way to the bank.

“Surely, they must be worth their clicks in gold!”

Sadly, Shirley, the bank teller, wouldn’t accept them as legal tender.

But she did log on to her mobile and gave Connie another “like” to take home with her.


Lugging her bag of “fools gold” back home, Connie understood that a change had to come. 

What was she going to tell Clive?


Opening the door, she saw him swiping her iPad.

Hearing her enter, he looked up and shouted..

“Show me the money!”

When she tried to explain that social media didn’t work that way, he interrupted….

“You handle it. I’m busy putting a roof over my head. 


Clive got quiet. 

He stopped giving her the agreed upon daily allowance of content.

She had to beg for tidbits to post on her wall.

A new strategy was needed. 

She needed to shake things up. She needed to get results.

Connie had to break free of the the walled garden.

She needed access to the whole internet and a networking platform that was mature; professional yet personable – more Don Draper than Baby Huey.

Google+ Man Always Rings Twice



Someone comes ringing


Just then, the doorbell rang… and rang again.

She stopped in her tracks.

Could it be?

She peeked through the peephole.

It was him.

She should have known.

The Plus man always rings twice.

(to be continued?)




Thank you for stopping by. See you next week. 🙂


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About Ray Hiltz

Thanks for dropping by. I'm the Director of Digital Marketing for My background in business includes non-profit (performing arts), restaurants and Promotions. Having moved on from my own strategic consulting company, I now write about what interests me. So in this blog, you may read about my thoughts on marketing, health issues and business culture. You can follow me on Twitter @rayhiltz or @image24Call

6 Responses to “The Ballad of Connie and Clive – a Social Media Romance”

    • I know. Thanks for reminding me. It was a fun post to write…not to get my creative cap back on. 🙂

  1. snouraini

    Ray, your fine, fine arts education at York U is shining through!  Please continue, very nice!  I am sure this will be a hit among your Plus man pals.

  2. DaveGallant

    Absolutely loved this post Ray. Quirky, yet with a point. 🙂

    • DaveGallant Thanks, Dave. Obviously not written with SEO in mind. Just felt like writing for fun. What can I say – Spring fever. 🙂


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